1 of 2 - A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost his wife. A couple months later we were golfing together, chatting about nothing. He asked what my dinner plans were and I told him wifey wanted my homemade chili and cornbread, but I didn't feel like stopping at the store. We golfed a few more minutes when he quietly said, “Make the chili."
2 of 2 - It took me a few minutes to realize we were no longer talking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you. So today I'm sharing with you that wisdom handed to me by my dear friend. Next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk or watch a football game or play a board game or just put your phone down and give them your undivided attention, just do it. “Make the chili”
@jeffowski I try to make the chili every day.
It's so important.
@jeffowski thanks for this - got me in the feels
@jeffowski My version of this is the little teapot I commented on in a shop window. I don’t want a big expensive gift on my birthday, that I could honestly buy myself…I want to know you were listening to me and went back and bought me that $10 teapot just because & on a random day to make me smile. #Relationships
You know, making the chili applies to friends as well. Friends need to be told how happy you are to have them as your friend.
@jeffowski this is why we follow this church
@jeffowski
This is very, very true. I would definitely have been a tad more generous of spirit with my sweetie, and would have called him pet names (not something I'm comfortable doing- the ones like 'dear, sweetheart, honey') - I had pet names for him that were very personal, but he wanted the others, too. So now, when I talk to him, I try to add a few. 
@jeffowski Dammit, now I'm all emotional and about to cry. #MaketheChili
@jeffowski I'm not crying, my eyes are just watering from peeling onions for the chili.
@jeffowski If there's only one thing in this world that I need to make people understand, it's this. Treat every interaction with someone you love - spouse, friend, parent, cousin, guy you knew in college but aren't as close to now - like they might be snatched away from you forever tomorrow. Because believe me, they can be. Don't take a single day for granted. Don't skip that birthday because you figure there'll be another one. If they want to talk, fucking drop what you're doing and talk.
@jeffowski @dcjedlicka One of the very few reliefs I’ve had over the past two years is that I cooked my wife a nice dinner a few hours before she died. It happened to be one of her favorite Blue Apron recipes; I don’t think we even looked at the options that week.
Death, graphic PTSD memory
@jeffowski
I wonder if men are different than women. When my husband died suddenly, I couldn't stop crying for 4 months. I can't even imagine going golfing or anything within just a few months. But yeah - it's good you made the chili.
@lolonurse when my mother died, my dad found a new partner (after about 40 years of marriage) in about 4 months and we still aren't allowed to mention my mother in her presence because she feels "unwelcome" after about 10 years.
@lolonurse I guess I think it's partly the person and partly how they're socialised. My father seemed terrified to be alone.
@jojoeffe
Our "step-mother" (in quotes bc we were all married adults when she came along, & we never liked her) was an educated woman, but she never could hold a candle to our mom. Dad adored our mom, & did not love his second wife as much or in the same way - and we never didn't talk about mom. Number 2 was a jealous person, & a lousy grandparent.
@lolonurse basically the same! I was 37. She will never let him have any time with me and my brother without having to be there as well. They never told me they were getting married so I call her my alleged stepmother.
@lolonurse I tried really hard with her because I wanted to be supportive of my father's relationship (like I said, everyone handled the loss of a partner differently) but she just isn't a very nice person.
@lolonurse @jeffowski people are different.grief hits you different
@jeffowski I've read a version of this elsewhere where the genders were reversed, but it's no less poignant. Make the chili.
@jeffowski
Great advice.