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Personal, may get sweary, venting

I've been feeling especially mortal since one of my best school friends died on Friday. The first of us. It's a real fucking reminder, old man. Yeah, you, BOOMER, you're fucking old, I don't care what you see in the mirror.

If you want to become a much older man, and you do, START TAKING FUCKING CARE OF YOURSELF.




Earlier that day, a very deadly and aggressive tiger snake visited my man cave while I sat there. I'd been out ripping out weeds from the bush, no gloves, no shoes.

JFC, if you want to become a much older man, and you do, BE A BIT MORE FUCKING SENSIBLE YOU CLOWN. YOU HAVE THE GEAR! AND STAY OFF THAT FUCKING ROOF, YOU'RE 10M UP!

And maybe don't aim for max lean angles on your motorbikes. Sheesh 🤦


thefathippy

We're getting there...

My wife had a seizure today. Alzheimer's related? 2nd this year. The last one nearly broke me. This time, I knew she wasn't dying in my arms. My phone (pro7) wouldn't dial 000 properly, bring up some kind of filter screen (new feature? Didn't happen last time). Fuck that right off please. I'm in a fucking panic, don't make it harder!

Her phone was there and worked, and ambos were soon with us



Gah, I hit send early. My wife's been admitted to hospital and may not be returning home. They are looking for care options.

I have failed, and can't manage anymore.

Yes, I know I haven't *failed*, I've done my best, as much as possible, but that's what my fucking brain keeps telling me. It's almost like my brain has joined her clueless Qld rellies in condemning me.



Alzheimer's is an absolutely fucking shithouse disease. It not only steals you away from others, but from yourself. You become a ghost. A haunting reminder of what was. My wife was literally the best in her field in Australia, and one of the world's best. Today, her ghost is muttering, swearing, and more at hospital staff trying to help. Combative is the polite word they use.



I think I have to bite the bullet and force the issue on professional fulltime care. I can do all sorts of stuff for her when she allows, but if she won't, and she doesn't, I can't keep her safe and healthy.

I may be a bit odd for a bit, and there'll be floods of tears, but I will be ok.

If you read this far, apologies for the dump. I feel better, even if you don't. 🤷‍♂️



@thefathippy my grandmother has alzheimers. Or, her ghost does. Glad the tootdump made you feel better.

@thefathippy I really get the feeling of failure you're talking about. Intellectually I know this was the best decision for all concerned but emotionally I blame myself all the time. There's no good side. Alzheimer's sucks out loud.

@thefathippy I'm just starting down this road with my father. He was everybody's hero in his prime and he's still delightful company on his good days but the good ones are getting rare and his bad days are getting worse. It's getting harder to remember what an amazing and above all kind person he always was. He just moved into assisted living and my mom is there with him and is bearing the brunt. At least the place has memory care when the time comes.