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@jeffowski Also, about showing disregard for others, a lot of the behaviors we think we have to do out of politeness are cultural. I lived in a Japan for a while, and there eye contact can be seen as defiant or entitled. Parents don't tell their kids "look at me when I'm talking to you!", they tell their kids to look down, because that's how you show respect.
Anyway, the goal shouldn't be to make everyone around you comfortable while you are slowly tortured inside. You also deserve comfort.

@jeffowski I'm still figuring out unmasking, but I find it helpful to think about what helps social interaction vs what impedes it. If I force myself to make eye contact, but then can't focus on what they're saying, who's needs are really being served? I think most people value being fully heard, even if that means less eye contact. Or if I need to excuse myself from a social situation for a break that's more pro-social than staying and becoming a non-verbal zombie, or worse melting down.

@jeffowski
Do you think your motivation to considder yourself as autistic is to act entitled? Or is your motivation to better understand why you differ from people around you?

The individuals in modern western societies seem indeed to be strongly focussed on the own identity. The internet is full of pseudo scientific personality categorizations like "alpha, beta, sigma", " bears, wolves,..." and so on. And many individuals hype for that and base their identity uppon it. So your question whether ADHD and autism might be a comparable trend.

To be honest, I think they indeed can be. People will use this categories in the same way like they did with OCD "I sharpened all my pencils, I am so OCD" etc. But there is a big difference between somebody adopting a few stereotypical explanations and thoughtlessly stating one is a bit autistic, adhd, or whatsoever and somevody who went through the epiphany of understanding their own history and existance and all the challenges for the first time.

@jeffowski "I certainly still do mask my emotions and remain in torturous situations I am forced to endure, but isn’t that being an adult and focusing on the wellbeing and comfort of others?"
The point is that, what you perceive as tortuous situations that you have to endure, just are at most a mildly unpleasant chore for the vast majority of the population.
Would they still like to avoid them if possible?
Sure! But there are things to be done as an adult you can't avoid. 1/*

@jeffowski
I had been telling my health care team since I was 12 that I was autistic. They were aware of my belief. It wasn't until I was deep in my 50s that I presented my data to a therapist in such a way that he accepted it. There is no blame in self-diagnosis. We know us better than they do.

@jeffowski
I think that the main difference, and often point of confusion, is that someone is not diagnosing themselves with autism, but instead realising something pretty fundamental about themselves. You're not comparing yourself against a list of symptoms. But coming to understand something about yourself through, reading, watching videos and being in places like this, where you can interact with others like you.

It is in all the similarities, the common traits and ways of experiencing and reacting to the world. The way we are far more alike, than unalike. The way that it explains so much more than it doesn't. That we finally find out answers. A process that can be far better described as self-realising, than self-diagnosing.

Can we be wrong? Of course, although it is far less likely than you might imagine. The process is rarely done on a whim, or quickly. Most of us actually tend to take a lot of convincing to come to this point. A lot of soul-searching and self-doubt. Does it go on to make us feel entitled. Possibly, but again I would suggest, rarely in the way you mean. Mostly, the entitlement is about finally feeling able to stand up for ourselves and the needs we have.

@jeffowski
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I have been looking for a chance to try to answer this question, ty.
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It's different than other differences, isn't it, because the difference is the organ we think with, every type thinks something different about humans, about a lot of things, so it seems like it would be valid TO an Autistic, an Autistic would think it takes one to know one or something.
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I mean, do we trust NT people to self-identify? Are they allowed to, or do they have to check with an Autistic doctor first, you know?
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That doesn't need to look like rhetoric, no they don't. They police themselves about that, about who is and isn't and for every NT person telling me they don't think self identification is valid, I have three calling me a bloody weirdo all day long.
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I may not be spent yet, not sure.

@jeffowski If you need to engage the official medical community in supporting you in your self-diagnosis, then start the process. You'll likely have a year or so to back out, or at least delay and reassess.

People's needs for this are different, and it can pay to look at it from a lawyerly stance to determine which arguments with whom (could be yourself) that you need to substantiate. IMHO, people, ND or NT, don't assert possibly-contentious points from a place of comfort. Find your comfort.

@jeffowski As the other reply mentioned, it really is the only option that many people have. It took over a year to get an appointment and that was with two different referrals. The cost is outrageous for it, I got lucky that insurance covered it, but the cost would have been thousands without it. I personally dont like the spin the internet puts on it, its not some fun cute thing. Yet knowing and allowing yourself to unmask really does wonders for depression and all that goes along with it.

@jeffowski There are very good reasons why self-diagnosis isn't a good idea for psychiatric conditions, but I'm not convinced any of them apply for autism, and that's part of the reason I'm convinced autism shouldn't be considered a psychiatric condition.